Simon Says

Anybody remember what the punishment was for losing at Simon says? Cuz, I am pretty sure it wasn't extra push-ups.

We are to the portion of the academy where we have P.T. every day and the intensity is picking up. We are running longer and faster and we are spending more time in the mat-room moving our bodies up, down and side to side endlessly. Our instructor has many amusements. One of which is that he will wait until we are so tired by a particular exercise that we stop looking at him and he will alter the exercise to see who is not paying attention. This is amusing for those of us who have learned to watch him even while lying quivering and broken in a pool of our own sweat and drool. For those who have not...not so much.

One of his other favorite amusements is so similar to the aforementioned game of my youth that I would scarcely be able to avoid laughing...If my abs were working anymore that is. In the academy all orders are given with what is called a preparatory command followed by the command to "move." So when we are finished a set of push-ups and are holding the very painful pushup "rest" position, we anxiously wait the command to get "on your feet." But like in Simon Says, if you hear the preparatory command and execute it before the command to move, you are wrong. Unlike Simon says however, when you are wrong you are not excused from the game until the next round, which would indeed be a welcome punishment. Instead you incur the wrath of the pushup gods most sorely, and are most cordially invited to join in the P.T. festivities with increased vigor.

Picture a Mexican Austrian accent that bites off each word in a growl. And it goes something like this.

Instructor: Dowwwn!!

Trainees(screaming): Zero!!!

Instructor: Dowwwn!!

Trainees: One!!!

etc. etc. etc.

Instructor: Dowwwn!!

Trainees: Fifty!!!

Instructor: On your feet!!

shuffling of feet as foolish tired trainees get to their feet, accompanied by an undercurrent of grunts and groans from those trainees recognizing the ploy for what it is.

Instructor: Negative!! Negative!! That was a Preparatory Command only!! @$#*$%&*# How long have you been here!!

slapping sounds of semi-comatose trainees falling to the mat like freshly gutted fish to do their penalty push-ups .

Instructor: Down!!

etc. etc. etc.

Another recent amusement is to bring along various implements of torture for the run. Giant ropes, rubber M16's, and medicine balls. Medicine balls are my favorite. We run in two columns and pass them over our heads to the man behind us as we run. When the ball gets to the end of the column, the last man must sprint, screaming with the medicine ball over his head, to the front of the line and start the merriment all over again.

Being the newer, kinder and gentler patrol we have a gator (six wheeled mini truck with a stretcher in the back) following us in case one of us dies on the run. In "the old patrol" dead trainees were just left to rot in the sun as an example to future classes. Last week the gator mysteriously stopped running... At the furthest point from the end of the run. hmmmmm The instructor driving it looked at us and shook his head. "No gas," he stated simply. "Good thing we got all these bushy tailed trainees here with nothing else to do," he grinned.

A long and extremely profanity-ridden mile and a half later, the gator mysteriously roared to life again. "No gas?" a trainee asked.

"Not a drop," the instructor replied innocently. "Plenty of diesel though."

It really is a lot of fun. No sarcasm at all. I do truly enjoy the creativity they show in our workouts. It could be a lot worse and a lot less exciting. We are practicing with the electro-shock knives a lot more and practicing our strikes and submissions quite a bit as well. Hope everyone is well. Half way point is on Friday!!!!