I can!!!

These are two wonderful words when used this way. As you know I am in the artesia FLETC facility training to be a Border Patrol Agent. It is a different way of life. Every minute of everyday is geared towards determining your ability. We study a lot, we work out a lot, we hydrate a lot, and we test A LOT! In every case the goal is to be able to stand up to the day's challenge and say I can.

The PT instructors spend their time pushing us to the point were we can no longer utter these words truthfully. This is discouraging for those of little faith and determination. People like me. My difficulty with physical training has always been that in order to progress, one must work until one fails...Constantly. Your workout does not cause significant progress unless you reach failure. I have always hated working out for this reason.

I believe this to be my greatest character flaw. I am a sore loser...At everything! I have gone out of my way to avoid losing at all costs for my whole life. While a strong and brave person would likely accomplish this by training harder and becoming more able, I frequently chose to avoid the contest in the first place. This is the way of a weak, stagnant and atrophying individual.

In PT I lose every day. We have lost 11 people of our original class of 50 to the med shed. While some of these had legitimate medical conditions, I believe most of them went to the med-shed or hospital to avoid that dreaded feeling of losing, the moment when they can't say, "I can!" Our class is officially notorious for our unusually high drop out rate and we have not even begun to lose people to grades in Spanish, law, firearms or driving yet.

I am helping a small group of trainees who are struggling with Spanish a lot. We meet on the weekends and we review the Spanish material that has been covered and I drill them on their weak points. I find where they can't say "I can" and I push them till they can. I can see the progress and it is very uplifting to me.

I reflect on Lehi's words to his son in 2 Nephi chapter 2. The whole purpose of this life is to perform work with opposition. Without this opposition, or when we avoid challenges, we remain weak, untested, undeveloped and vulnerable pawns for those who would manipulate us. We become those who are "acted upon."

I have 4 weeks down in a 20 week program. It's hard. I still have a lot of "I can't," but everyday there is a lot more "I can." I sure look forward to week 20. I will be able to leave this state of training and "probation." But I will not leave early, thinking to avoid all the "I can't" between now and then. Because all that "I can't" will add up to a lot more "I can" in the end. The analogy to life is obvious. We are here because we can't. If we work hard and meet our challenges head on, whenever we get out there won't be any challenge or problem we can't stare in the eye and state truthfully...

I can!!!!